I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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