Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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