shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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