Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
