WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.