i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic