That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
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The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
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I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.