this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
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i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
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i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier