I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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