WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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