So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
