There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
