Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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