if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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