you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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