Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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