Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
