some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
