God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
