omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Randomize
