I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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