i already hear my dad disowning me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
