Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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