i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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