Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize