She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
