Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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