Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
