It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.