we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Im part way to drunk.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."