Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part