Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.