I'm drive I can fine osifer
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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