Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
