Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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