And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
