exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
