I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
