the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
