WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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