i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
