That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
