and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
