Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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