At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
this boner is exhausting
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
