haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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