U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
