I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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