i just wanna soil my oats bro
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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