The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
