I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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