my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
