she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
