Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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