ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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