you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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