just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
