We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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