I don't think brook has ever known best
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
