Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize