Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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