I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
