if only i could text you this smell
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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