Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
