i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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