Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
