Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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