a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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