omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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