Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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