tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
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Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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