I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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