He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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