people are starting to question the shark bite story
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
